Dear friend,
Allow me to preface this correspondence by emphasizing my fondness of you, and the value I store in our relationship. Know that you are, like some treasured jewel hidden away by the great pharaohs of old to be taken with them into the eternities, quite precious to me. It is therefore, with a heavy heart and great reluctance that I write you now to inform you that, no, I have not watched your newest Magic YouTube video yet.
How can I possibly defend myself from your ire after admitting to such a terrible state? Surely any excuse I offer will be thinner than the weakest broth, and yet these poor rationalizations are all I have to provide. It is perhaps a sign of these trying times that I have not done such as yet, for surely life flies by, a zephyr moving us all at too rapid a pace. Truly, as stated once in an exploration of space by others, time is the fire in which we burn. Chances flash past us like leaves in a hurricane, a maelstrom of opportunity and occasion, gone before we can even focus our gaze upon them.
One could perhaps speculate that I may be delinquent due to some offshoot of the current state of our politics, economy, or poor performance by our beloved local sports team. Is society in some respect to blame here? I cannot wholly claim any of these as a direct or indirect influence on my faults in this regard. We are the aspects of our environment, to be sure, but merely stating this observation should liberate us of its fetters. Now having thus acknowledged the problems of our domain, we all are still struggling to implement a solution.
Please, I beg you, my valued companion, to forgive me this trespass. Do not be so quick as to discard this comradery that we have both tended and cultivated. Surely this egregiousness on my part is but a singular occurrence, and not any sort of indication of systemic behavior. I cherish, as I hope you still do, all we have together. Find it in your heart to let this, I implore you, be betwixt us water under the bridge. Let us move away from this together, bound tighter in friendship than before, and may my honesty in this situation be the forge that tempers our bond into a stronger metal.
In summary, I hereby pledge a self-vindication. I know the time is not past, like the sands of an hour glass that no longer fall. I can yet make amends. Please, do not trouble yourself in this. I shall endeavor to find that hyperlink you sent me to your YouTube channel. It is a penance I must complete. And as soon as I remember if it was in an email or direct message, I shall tarry not in regarding that content which you mentioned I might particularly enjoy. I also feel that as for recompense for my misdoings, I will ensure that I shall click all clicks, comment with my reactions, and forever subscribe to your future published marvels. I will also click that little bell thing, even though I do not understand its purpose and fear its intents.
With warmest regards, for this day and forever forth,
Your humble servant,
the honorable and renowned,
Melvin the Muppet, esquire.
